Strong fathers: Why we need them today, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow

For both sons and daughters, the father is a role model and a rock. He teaches them the meaning of courage, respect, and responsibility – every day, with every gesture.

A good father— a strong man —doesn't stand firmly to dominate. He stands firmly to be present. In the morning, when the child won't get out of bed. In the evening, when they can't find peace. When a bicycle tire breaks, when a brother or sister argues, when a heartbreak hits for the first time. A father's strength lies not in volume or coercion, but in clarity. In action—and in availability.

CG Jung, the Thurgau depth psychologist , spoke of the father as anchoring the "law" in the child. Not as a "must," but as a structure upon which the ego can align itself. The father represents order. Boundaries. Clarity. And: the gateway to the world. The mother, therefore, connects the child more with the inner self. The father with the outer self.

He promotes detachment, maturation, and the development of a strong ego structure. Especially in the modern world, where many rituals are lacking, the father often remains the most important source of support and direction. He introduces children to new worlds (initiation), accompanies them on their first steps, and interprets adversity as opportunities and learning opportunities.

This applies to all children. But especially to children with ADHD. They don't need more rules, but more relationships. They don't need strictness, but stability. Not perfection, but presence.

1. Practical skills

A father teaches his child how to hammer in a nail. How to stack wood. How to pitch a tent or repair a tire. It sounds banal. It isn't. Children, especially children with ADHD, need something concrete. Something tangible. They need tasks with a beginning and an end. The workbench becomes a place for experiencing self-efficacy.

When children build a shelf with their father or plant a seedling, more than just motor learning is happening. Children learn through their own creativity. That they are part of a context. That their hands have an impact. For children with ADHD, whose attention often flutters, these physical markers help structure the chaos in their minds.

The father provides the framework, the task the focus. The same can apply to cooking, a new foreign language, or dance/martial arts lessons. There are no "typically male" or "typically female" activities. What does exist, however, is the archetypally male/female approach. The focus on protection/defense, solutions, self-overcoming, for example.

The feeling of "I'm needed" also develops through strong fathers. And that's fundamental. Many ADHD children, in particular, experience criticism, rejection, or correction very often. Practicing one's own work brings the opposite: confidence, perseverance, and success.

2. Values ​​and wisdom

A child is always observing. Much more than they hear when rules are enforced and instructions are given. They see the father who goes to work, even when he's tired. The father who is kind to the waitress. Who doesn't lie, even when it would be more convenient. All of this has a deeper impact than any moralizing.

Children with ADHD often have difficulty controlling their impulses. This makes a father who demonstrates steadfastness all the more important. He demonstrates that responsibility is not a word, but an action. Carl Jung said that the unconscious always strives for balance. Children need fathers who provide this balance. Through living example, not through admonition.

A father who can apologize shows greatness. One who treats his child with respect instills this respect deeply. ADHD children, in particular, who are often labeled "difficult," learn from such fathers: I am valuable. I am included. I am not defined by my diagnosis, but supported in my development.

3. Everyday skills

Cooking, cleaning, budgeting—none of these things are feminine. All of them are important. When a father goes shopping with his child, writes a meal plan together, and does the laundry, the child learns: Life is teamwork. Everyone contributes.

Especially with ADHD children, clear routines, rituals, and tasks are needed. If dad always follows the same bedtime routine, it brings calm. If he shows his child how to wisely allocate pocket money, it creates structure. A child who understands their daily routine and its rules feels secure.

These everyday experiences also help develop a sense of time. Children with ADHD live strongly in the moment. Fathers who structure their time demonstrate that there is a before and after. There is planning and a break. These are not empty concepts, but practical guides.

And last but not least: It's a profound experience for children when dad cooks dinner. When he makes the beds. It says: I care for you. I'm part of your everyday life. I'm here.

4. Social skills

A father intervenes when two children argue. Not by scolding. By asking questions. By mediating. This way, the child learns: Conflict is normal. And so is resolution. Fathers who get involved in arguments teach communication. Not as a technique or trick. But as an attitude.

Children with ADHD often feel a lot. Or very quickly. A father who understands this provides guidance. He names the feelings. Perhaps he says, "You're not wrong. You're overwhelmed. We'll sort this out together." This is how bonding develops. And the ability to express what's happening inside.

CG Jung always emphasized the need to integrate one's own "shadow," that is, uncomfortable, often self-repressed parts. In everyday language, this means: Anger also has its place. So does shame. And fear. A father who talks about this opens up the possibility for the child to experience themselves as whole/with integrity.

Thus, the father becomes an emotional mentor. Not as a corrective, but as a mirror. A sounding board for the inner life that many children cannot (yet) sort out on their own.

5. Hobbies and interests

A father shares his world. Music, sports, technology, nature. He takes his child along. He lets them marvel. Try, fail. And start again. This is how curiosity develops. And a sense of belonging. A father who repairs his daughter's bike tells her: You can do it too. You're allowed to do it.

For children with ADHD, collaborative projects work wonders. Because they use up energy in a constructive way—and provide a source of inspiration for the "inner doer." Fathers who go out with their children, do everyday/repetitive things, and try new things, help them channel their energy and feel at home in the world.

It's not about perfection. It's about shared time. Whether building Lego or mushroom hunting in the forest, a father who doesn't optimize but plays openly gives his child space to discover themselves.

Especially for children with ADHD, this can create a lively connection between inside and outside: "I am not wrong. I am different - and I have an impact in my own way."

6. Personal strength

Children need fathers who aren't perfect. They're honest. A father who admits mistakes shows his child: You don't have to be superhuman. Just be real. This is especially important for children with ADHD, because they often experience failure, frustration, and shame.

A father who stays, even when the child is "difficult," conveys to the child: You're right. Even—or perhaps because of—your rough edges. This strengthens the self. And inner security.

Such a father builds bridges to the world. And thereby also to his own inner self. He doesn't carry what the child has to learn on his own. But he stays with them when they stumble. He provides support, not control. Direction, not coercion. And above all: lasting love that doesn't depend on performance.

Conclusion

A father doesn't just show you how to hammer in a nail. He shows you how to stand up straight— and not let your values ​​be compromised. In your own psyche. In your life. In your relationship.

For children with or without ADHD, the father is never an accessory. He is the center. The boundary. The strength. And the love.

It's time to rethink the role of fathers. Not as a second mother, but as what they can be: strong, decisive men who accompany their children into life. With heart, hand, and attitude.