Three shells and a core: The layers of our personality

Is everyone an onion-like being? The "core-shell model" presents itself as a fascinatingly simple and intuitive method for better understanding and dealing with emotions. Originally introduced by C. Thomann in his book " Clarification Aid: Conflicts in the Workplace" (rororo, 2002) , the model appears to have its roots in the work of Wilhelm Reich ( Austrian-Hungarian physician and psychoanalyst).

The central thesis of the model states that, over the course of human development, various emotional layers wrap around the core of the psyche. These layers, shaped by a person's respective stage of psychological development and maturity , influence their emotional reactions and behaviors. In order to fully develop the inherent potential for creativity—as well as the ability to love and feel happiness—these layers must be recognized and penetrated. The model can effectively be imagined like the layers of an onion.

The origin and core: joy of life and love 

Babies enter the world as spontaneous, living beings, full of life-affirming qualities and without any protection. From the very beginning, basic needs are present that must be met, such as water, food, oxygen, warmth, sleep, care, and love. Over the course of our lives , however, we all experience moments when these needs are not met, or not met in a timely manner . This can lead to frustration and physical and emotional pain. From these unresolved wounds, an emotional layer gradually emerges, enveloping the original, vibrant core of the human being, who desires nothing more than life itself.

People who have retained access to this inner core are often perceived as creative, appreciative, and loving. Their presence creates a welcoming, warm atmosphere, and their contact is inspiring. These characterizations are not intended to convey simple stereotypes, but rather to illustrate the emotional focus that determines people's basic attitudes and behavior. Every person develops such an emotional focus, which shapes their emotional experience and from which they interact with the world.

However, we are all capable of experiencing a wide spectrum of emotions, regardless of where our emotional focus lies.

The first layer: pain and injury 

This level represents the first emotional reactions to disappointments and injuries —feelings of helplessness, loneliness, the need for attention, despair, and pain. To reconnect to one's vital core, it is essential to confront the pain and injuries that were once experienced but were repressed and repressed.

People whose emotional center lies in this layer often tend to see themselves as victims of their circumstances , blame others for their suffering and fate, and avoid taking responsibility for themselves. They complain frequently and persist in a kind of childlike attitude. This is often evident in interpersonal contact when people see themselves as a kind of emotional support or wailing wall. Advice on how to improve the situation is then ignored or even rejected. While it is valuable to support and listen to people in emotionally difficult situations, if you feel taken advantage of and the other person is unwilling to take responsibility for changing their situation, this could be a sign that they are stuck in this layer .

The integrated layer of pain means that the person is no longer stuck in defense against the pain or looking for someone to blame, but rather accepts and feels the pain. With the integration of one's own pain, compassion for others also grows.

The second layer: aggression as a protective mechanism 

To avoid painful sensations, humans form a protective layer of reactive emotions designed to protect them from confronting their original injuries and the associated pain. Aggression is a natural response to threat. If basic needs are not adequately met, we perceive this as a threat, which manifests itself in the form of rejection, hurt, unlovedness, loneliness, unfulfilled needs for food or affection, and the associated painful feelings.

The aggression level exists to ward off these challenging feelings like pain and helplessness. Often, aggression is rooted in unrecognized pain—a repressed emotion.

People who remain in the aggression layer are perceived by others as loud and disruptive. Their behavior is usually destructive, as they try to satisfy their need for attention and affection through destructive, argumentative, angry, or defiant behavior . Anger over perceived rejection is directed at those from whom the child originally hoped for something, such as a mother perceived as insufficiently caring, and can later spread to other relationships.

However, not all aggression is a neurotic defense against pain. When a person, in the course of their personal development, accepts painful feelings and no longer defends themselves, aggression becomes a constructive force. It becomes an ability to confront and fight clearly and decisively. Aggression is then a formative force used to protect and advocate for new things one believes in – even if this is not always met with approval.

In short, when we are at peace with our demons internally, we no longer need to use our energy to fight and suppress them. Instead, they stand by us like domesticated allies , lending us energy to protect ourselves and create new things that are important to us.

The third layer: adaptation to self-denial 

During adolescence, the child is often punished for their defiant and aggressive behavior, yet continues to seek love and acceptance. During this phase, they begin to develop a layer of adaptation , essentially a mask over their aggressive feelings. With this adaptation, the child denies their true feelings in order to receive the love and recognition they didn't receive as their authentic self. But this comes at a price: It can lead to depression, feelings of lifelessness and boredom, and a sense of meaninglessness.

People who remain emotionally stuck in this layer usually appear inconspicuous and colorless and are at risk of becoming followers. Their main goal is to gain the affection of others (parents, friends, partners, superiors) through conformity. In their quest for recognition, they rarely dare to express their own opinions or adopt the generally accepted opinion as their own.

They also often neglect their inner voice and their own needs because they have become alienated from themselves . A bland, impenetrable crust has settled over their true core.

The life crisis: Like peeling the onion 

No matter where we are in relation to any issue – for example in terms of adaptation or aggression – life crises lead to the “onion of the personality” being mercilessly pierced . It is not uncommon to then penetrate to the inner core – a journey that is not exactly pleasant. People who were previously able to count on the love of close people (of any kind) in extreme life situations can then discover that they have more strength than they originally thought . They sometimes discover a new form of self-love. The result: they no longer betray their own cause when faced with a choice: affection and recognition – or loyalty to their own goals, values ​​and visions.

People with ADHD, in particular, who often go through life with a lot of self-doubt, can draw tremendous strength from this. Because crises can never be ignored, repressed, or "dealt with tomorrow." Rather, they sweep over you like a violent storm and sweep you away. But once overcome, you can be certain: " I did it myself. It came from within me."

Self-help books and coaches of all kinds essentially preach this "strength from within." But there's never a guarantee that you'll find and be able to use it. It's comforting, at least, that we're all in the same boat. This means that seeking and accepting external help in times of crisis is always a good idea.

One truth, however, never changes: In the end, we always have to come to terms with ourselves and find new hope on our own. No therapist, partner, or family member can ever bear this responsibility.

Because ultimately, we all have our own SELF, full of experiences, influences, and memories, which we care about every day. And sometimes we can/should empty ourselves completely first to make room for new things later.