How do I best deal with ADHD tantrums?

They can trigger feelings of complete overwhelm in us: our children's long and intense tantrums. These emotional outbursts are often particularly pronounced in children with ADHD. Here's what you should know about them.

The good news right at the start: Tantrums are fundamentally a completely normal, even healthy, behavior pattern for young children. After all, children are NOT "little adults" – they first have to learn to tolerate their emotions, evaluate them, and respond to them in a "socially acceptable way." This is anything but self-evident, especially since the inhibition of emotional impulses is initiated in the frontal lobe , whose development continues into adulthood.

In this article, we would like to delve deeper into the topic of tantrums in connection with ADHD – and look at both their causes and coping strategies.

Why do tantrums occur?

Tantrums are primarily emotional reactions and can occur in children for a variety of reasons:

• Feelings of fear, anger or sadness
• Problems expressing thoughts or emotions
• Unmet physical needs, such as hunger or exhaustion
• Lack of alternatives in dealing with emotions
• Pre-reinforcement when caregivers have given in in the past

Are tantrums an indicator of ADHD?

Tantrums in young children can begin as early as 12 months of age and reach their peak when the child is between 2 and 3 years old . They can also last until the child is 5 years old. Tantrums are not an indication or even clear proof of ADHD. However, they can certainly occur more frequently and be more severe in ADHD. Boredom, difficulty concentrating, and the emotional overload typical of ADHD, for example, are often enough to trigger such a " tantrum "—as tantrums are called in medical terms.

Let's consider what can make us angry: This certainly includes not achieving goals despite tremendous effort. Lack of appreciation, exclusion, or harsh criticism from others are also possible causes. Furthermore, we sometimes get angry for seemingly no reason, perhaps because we feel thin-skinned and perceive any external stimuli as too strong.

ADHD: Triggers for tantrums are constantly present

Children with ADHD can have tantrums for the same reasons as other children. However, there are specific ADHD symptoms that make tantrums more likely:

• Hyperactivity: Children with ADHD often find it difficult to sit still or cope with boredom. Without an outlet for their energy, they may become impatient or frustrated.
• Impulsivity: People with ADHD are almost always "thin-skinned," partly due to the dopamine imbalance in their brain. Their control issues can lead to difficulties in school, especially if they are misunderstood by teachers or classmates. This, in turn, can trigger feelings of guilt or shame.
• Inattention: Problems with concentration or meeting deadlines can cause stress or overwork.
• Medication side effects: Stimulants commonly used to treat ADHD can cause headaches, stomach upset, or sleep problems in some children, making it difficult to manage their emotions.
• Social exclusion: Children with ADHD experience disproportionately high levels of social exclusion and criticism. They may be overly active, assertive, or chatty, or they may appear absent, apathetic, and bored to those around them.

Are normal tantrums different from those caused by ADHD?

Although tantrums in children with ADHD don't necessarily differ from those of other children, they may be much more intense or frequent. Certain patterns could indicate that tantrums are not typical for your child's developmental stage (and ADHD may be a contributing factor):

• Tantrums that occur more than five times a day
• Frequent tantrums in children over 5 years
• Tantrums lasting more than 15 minutes
• Extreme aggression, such as breaking objects or physical aggression against others
• Caregivers who feel unsafe during a tantrum

In such cases, it is advisable to consult a pediatrician or psychologist.

Strategies for dealing with tantrums

Responding appropriately to a tantrum can be extremely challenging. Here are some strategies that can help:

• Show the child exemplary behavior: A calm and neutral tone is important
• Repeat and apply rules consistently (!)
• Respond to the child's needs and ensure safety
• Provide distraction, e.g. by changing location
• Ignore tantrums if they are obviously manipulative (e.g., a child repeatedly cries to get sweets before eating)
• Use time outs, but not excessively (i.e. remove yourself from the situation)

It's important not to punish a child after a tantrum . Physical punishment can actually exacerbate the problem, because it primarily teaches the child one thing: "Violence is okay when there are conflicts." As we all know, children don't do what we tell them; they do what we do. They learn through imitation—and sooner or later, they will perfectly imitate violence.

Preventing tantrums

Although it is not always possible to prevent tantrums, certain parenting approaches can help:

• Loving-consistent parenting (authoritative) : A balanced approach that sets clear boundaries and demands on the one hand, but also offers a lot of affection and support on the other
• Positive reinforcement : Focus on the child's strengths and more positive feedback on desired behavior instead of punishments for undesirable behavior
• Consistency : Clear communication of rules and expectations (looking into the eyes, touching the arm, calm but firm voice)

Summary

Tantrums are a normal developmental behavior in children, but may be more intense and frequent in children with ADHD. There are various reasons for these outbursts, including ADHD-specific factors such as hyperactivity, impatience, and impulsivity. A balanced parenting approach that sets clear boundaries, provides positive reinforcement, and maintains consistency can help manage and reduce these tantrums. For persistent or extreme tantrums, professional help should be considered.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Are tantrums a direct symptom of ADHD?

Tantrums can be normal for children at certain developmental stages and may occur more frequently in children with ADHD. However, they are not a direct symptom of ADHD. While tantrums are a well-known and common behavior in young children, they alone are not a reliable indicator of ADHD.

What factors in children with ADHD promote tantrums?

Children with ADHD may have tantrums for a variety of reasons, similar to other children. However, there are ADHD-specific symptoms that can influence tantrums, including hyperactivity, impulsivity, inattention, and medication side effects.

How can I, as a parent, best respond to my child's tantrums?

There are several strategies for responding to tantrums. These include modeling appropriate behavior, addressing the child calmly and neutrally (but firmly), consistently applying rules, attending to the child's needs, distracting the child, and ignoring the tantrum if it is being used to manipulate the adult's behavior. It is important not to punish the child for a tantrum — and especially to avoid physical punishment .