Are we all narcissists or what? (3/3)
"Narcissism" is a much-used term these days. Or rather, a confession, in this age of exuberant influencers. But there's more to it than just social media escalation or nasty behavior. Learn what Bob Marley and Donald Trump have to do with it in this blog.
Seven illegitimate children during the marriage. Singing "I shot the sheriff" for 110,000 people in Milan. Refusing to treat skin cancer on my own toe.
One could describe the legendary reggae musician Bob Marley as somewhat attention-seeking. Perhaps also somewhat self-centered, even egotistical . And — especially with regard to his own future as a father and musician — also quite short-sighted.
Letting a horde of fanatics storm the Capitol. Lying, manipulating, and insulting nonstop. Sexually harassing or abusing various women. Tax evasion, and after losing an election, refusing to acknowledge defeat.
Former President Donald Trump also exhibits these traits. He also seems quite proud of his international reputation as a bad character.
Donald Trump has been clearly labeled "grandiose narcissism" by various clinical psychologists. Bob Marley is more commonly considered a reggae icon and Jamaica's unifier. So what is this much-discussed narcissism all about—and what are its characteristics?
What is a “narcissist”?
A narcissist is a person who exhibits a pervasive pattern of behaviors and attitudes characterized by an excessive focus on themselves, their own interests, and their desires, often to the detriment of others .
This pattern encompasses a spectrum of narcissistic traits, including a deep need for admiration, a sense of entitlement, and a notable lack of empathy toward others . Narcissism manifests in both overt and covert forms, with overt narcissists engaging in grandiose, attention-seeking behavior and convincingly expressing their sense of superiority and entitlement.
Covert narcissists, on the other hand, may appear very introverted or sensitive, harboring feelings of resentment and inadequacy while also, more subtly, craving admiration and validation. A characteristic feature of covert narcissism is the victim mentality , in which the individual sees themselves as frequently being treated unfairly or suffering more than others —and uses this attitude as a method to gain attention and sympathy.
Especially "socially desirable" traits like empathy are vehemently demanded by others. Vulnerable narcissistic people are so thin-skinned that they are constantly on guard against maneuvering themselves into a situation through narcissistic behavior in which their feelings of shame could be reinforced by criticism and rejection.
Narcissists of both types always perceive criticism, even factual criticism, as a personal attack and punish them accordingly, for example, with outbursts of anger or forms of passive-aggressive behavior (e.g., toxic communication).
Despite their differences in expression, both types exhibit a fundamental prioritization of their self-image and needs over others, which negatively impacts their relationships and interactions.
Don’t we all have these traits within us?
Narcissism exists on a broad spectrum , ranging from healthy, adaptive forms that contribute to an individual's self-esteem and ambition to pathological narcissism that significantly impairs interpersonal relationships and personal functioning.
Healthy narcissism is a normal aspect of human psychology that allows individuals to maintain a positive self-image and pursue their goals with confidence. This form of narcissism is characterized by self-love and self-esteem, balanced with empathy. Healthy narcissism also includes the inherent need for self-expression, as seen in painters, dancers, journalists, etc.
Many people may exhibit a range of narcissistic traits to varying degrees without fully meeting the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Or they may express these traits only in a specific context, such as in their private lives while behaving very cooperatively at work. Understanding this spectrum is crucial for recognizing the diversity of narcissistic behaviors and distinguishing between narcissistic traits and a diagnosable disorder.
At the other, darker end of the spectrum, pathological narcissism, including narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) , is diagnosed in a relatively small percentage of the population. According to various studies, it is estimated that between 0.5% and 5% of the general population is affected. The criteria for diagnosing NPD are strict, requiring a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration, and an apparent lack of genuine empathy.
Open or “grandiose” narcissism
Grandiosity is openly displayed and easily recognizable in overt narcissists. They often boast about their accomplishments, exaggerate their importance, and expect to be recognized as superior, even if they lack the necessary evidence to support it. Their sense of entitlement and self-importance are unmistakable, and they frequently demean others to affirm their own superiority.
The need for admiration is particularly pronounced in overt narcissists. They crave attention and compliments from others and can become visibly annoyed or contemptuous if they feel they aren't receiving the recognition they deserve. This need drives much of their social behavior and leads them to strive for positions of power or public recognition, where their perceived superiority can be confirmed by others. Overt narcissists are not uncommon in top positions of all kinds. They are very capable of forming bonds and thus gaining supporters. They are masters of manipulation.
A lack of empathy is clearly evident in grandiose narcissists. They show little genuine concern for the feelings or needs of others, often ignoring their emotions or exploiting them for personal gain. Their interactions are primarily transactional, not social, and aim to maximize their own benefit without considering the impact on those around them.
Covert or “vulnerable” narcissism
Grandiosity in covert narcissists has less to do with overt boasting than with a sense of absolute entitlement to certain treatment. They may harbor fantasies about their own success, attractiveness, or importance, but are less likely to express these feelings openly. Instead, their grandiosity may manifest internally or through passive-aggressive behavior, hinting at their perceived superiority without directly asserting it.
The need for admiration is very subtle in covert narcissists. While they still crave recognition and validation, they are less likely to seek it out. Instead, they may self-deprecate or portray themselves as misunderstood geniuses to gain praise and recognition from others. They thrive on external validation but are also often very resentful or envious when others receive the attention they believe they deserve.
A lack of empathy in covert narcissists is more difficult to detect. They may sometimes appear sensitive or even empathetic, but this concern for others is often superficial or strategic, designed to satisfy their own emotional needs or gain the admiration they seek. Their empathy is usually insufficient to truly understand or support the needs of others, especially when these needs conflict with their own interests—or require admitting their own mistakes.
How exactly does narcissism arise?
Unhealthy narcissistic traits arise from a complex interplay of genetic, psychological, and environmental factors. Scientific research suggests that a combination of inherited personality traits and early life experiences, including parenting styles and family dynamics, contributes significantly to the development of narcissism.
For example, overly permissive parenting (no boundaries), excessive praise for minimal achievements, and neglect or emotional abuse can lead to the development of narcissistic behaviors. Another critical factor is the "mother wound ," a term that describes the impact of a mother's own unmet needs, emotional unavailability, or narcissistic traits on her child's psychological development.
This wound can lead to deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and a distorted self-image in the child , which promotes narcissistic traits as a compensatory mechanism to deal with unresolved emotional pain—and the lack of genuine self-esteem.
According to psychologists, narcissists lack a solid ego core. They therefore inevitably acquire this ego from outside . The versatility of this construct is often mentioned. Depending on the person/target, a "suitable mask" is used to easily satisfy certain needs because one is immediately accepted.
Furthermore , social and cultural influences that emphasize individual success, appearance, and external validation (Instagram and TikTok!) can reinforce narcissistic tendencies . They elevate these tendencies to the status of guarantors of happiness. Especially during the period of adolescent self-discovery, parents should therefore not simply distance themselves and let their teenagers "do whatever they want," but rather model values and encourage behavior that goes beyond "posing, posting, and liking online."
In cases of ADHD, which all too often goes hand in hand with shattered self-confidence, less sense of belonging to a group, and more daily criticism, loving parental support can be central, even crucial, for a child's well-being. Puberty is openly described in professional circles as a kind of "temporary madness," a period of great neural stress and change. That alone is actually hard enough. There's no need for any additional tightening of the screws.