Resilience: When the soul fights and wins

Storm! There are always times when our lives are on rough seas. Keyword: strokes of fate. However, some people prove to be more seaworthy than others. Science refers to this as "high resilience." Can everyone learn this?

First, this doesn't only exist in nature. In technology, resilience is understood as the ability of systems to not completely fail when disrupted, but rather to maintain certain functions. In humans, however, the concept of resilience is similar. It refers to the ability to flexibly cope with difficult life situations, stress, and crises – and even emerge stronger from them. This occurs in such a way that mental health remains intact or is quickly restored.

In short: resilience is the inner strength of a person.

The word resilience originates from the Latin resilire , which means "to spring back" or "to rebound." An interesting aspect: resilience is not a synonym for robustness. Consider, for example, a mature, thick tree. It may seem indestructible—but it's hardly flexible—and offers a large surface area for storms to attack. Such trees are often uprooted or broken. Unlike palm trees , for example , they cannot flexibly swing back and forth during a hurricane.

How do you become resilient? 

A person's seaworthiness is particularly evident in stormy times. So whether someone is resilient only becomes clear in times of crisis. The good news is that resilience can be learned at any stage of life. The first foundations for this can be laid in childhood. The main foundation consists of reliable people you can relate to and the realisation that your own actions can influence your life . That you have control and are not helplessly at the mercy of life . It is also beneficial for resilience to convey a realistic self-image and the ability to deal well with your own emotions. For example, when unpleasant feelings can be allowed and processed . These protective factors help children grow up to be resilient adults.

Example: Harry Potter - a resilient role model 

The wizard's apprentice Harry Potter is arguably a prime example of resilience. This becomes particularly clear when one considers his list of crises and blows of fate. Orphaned as a baby (parents murdered), bullied by relatives, classmates, and teachers, he must face dangerous challenges for years. Nevertheless, Harry overcomes all of this, grows stronger through each crisis, and finds happiness in life – thanks to essential protective factors. He also quickly makes friends who overcome all challenges with him, has Headmaster Dumbledore as a guiding light – and is protected by his mother's love even after her death. He also takes responsibility, remains solution-oriented, and actively shapes his future . All of this is resilience.

Is resilience inherited? 

Researchers are still investigating whether resilience is genetically inherited . One assumption is that resilience is influenced by the growth of nerve cells in the brain. If this growth proceeds smoothly, the brain, and thus also the thinking process, remains flexible. Such mental agility can help people cope better with crises. Proteins responsible for this process are proteins whose formation is also genetically influenced. One thing is certain, however: inheritance alone does not lead to increased resilience.

Another thing is certain: people whose self-perception doesn't evolve , sometimes fundamentally changing, with crises have little chance of resilience. Because their consistent patterns of action and reaction keep falling into the same traps. Because this is almost unbearable for their brains, an exciting mechanism comes into play: projection . When asked what triggered their crisis, these people's answer will most often be "the other person" or "the others." This is a good way to avoid having to do real psychological work. But it's also a surefire way to stagnate in many areas of life.

The litmus test for such people? Give them the article to read that "is still interesting" (but without this section). If the indignant response comes afterward, "Why? By not resilient, do you mean me?" you can reply, "No, this shoe wasn't made especially for you, Cinder-fu**ing-ella, but if it fits, wear it."

In other words: If a general statement always immediately triggers concern in people, or they assume that they are being accused of weakness/negative traits/shortcomings, a self-esteem disorder is present. For example, the statement "there are no more bananas" can be understood objectively ("yes, I saw that too"), but it can also easily be interpreted as an accusation ("are you saying I forgot to buy some?"). Of course, the tone of voice is extremely important.

Resilience factors – and how to strengthen them 

Everyone can develop their inner strength. You can imagine it like a resilience muscle that needs to be trained regularly to stay strong or grow (which also makes a crisis seem valuable again – namely, as a "sparring partner") . Resilience models address the question of which competencies and strengths contribute to inner resilience. Based on this, a training plan can be created to strengthen resilience.

The seven pillars of resilience 

In her model of inner strength , resilience expert Dr. Jutta Heller identifies seven pillars for greater resilience:

1. Acceptance = Understanding and acknowledging crises as a part of life

Tip: Practice mindfulness . This means first accepting crises and the associated emotions and thoughts as they are. Those who accept the storm instead of fighting it conserve energy for the transition. They allow themselves to be "bent," like the palm tree.

People with ADHD enjoy the advantage of being highly interconnected and also thinking in divergent ways. This can provide comfort and hope. Perhaps even a completely new perspective that sees what has happened as an important, albeit painful, piece of the puzzle of one's own biography.

2. Optimism = positive thinking and hope

Tip: Optimism shouldn't be a "must," and certainly shouldn't be imposed on you by others . It can often be drawn from your own values ​​(love, honesty, etc.), which you want to bring to the world, "no matter what the cost." Ask yourself what's truly important to you, what you would die for—but, above all, live for. Ask yourself, even the smallest things, what brings you joy every day. And treat yourself to these things whenever possible, especially in times of crisis.

3. Self-efficacy = belief that one can overcome and resolve crises on one’s own

Tip: Become aware of pleasant experiences and your own strengths. Each evening, write down two or three things that went well or that you achieved that day.

A crisis logbook lets you review the storms you've already overcome. This gives you strength, promotes positive thinking, and boosts your self-efficacy. With this tip, you're strengthening two pillars of greater resilience.

4. Responsibility = Stand by your own actions and shape your own life again

Tip: By reading this advice, you're already taking responsibility for your life. This also means creating good conditions for your mental and physical health. Self-criticism is always good, but it shouldn't degenerate into self-flagellation . What you've done wrong doesn't make you a worse person. However, if you don't want to learn from it, things are starting to get a little warmer in that regard.

Especially with an ADHD diagnosis, it might be easy to think during crises, "Oh, and I've always had it harder than neurotypicals." While that's true, it doesn't make you a victim. Precisely because you've struggled with your mental health more often, you're also better prepared for emergencies.

5. Bonding = making social contacts and accepting support

Tip: Taking responsibility for your own life doesn't mean doing everything alone. Make things easier for yourself and ask friends for help. Like a well-coordinated crew with whom you can weather the storm together. It can often be helpful to confide in others in times of crisis and feel that you are not alone.

6. Solution orientation = focus on opportunities and solutions to a problem

Tip: Become aware of your problem and then focus on what you can change. Approach your crises actively and as concretely as possible. For example, create a plan of possible solutions and choose the simplest and most promising one first. Try different approaches. You can then continue to reflect on the question of where the storm came from (yes, this is a difficult point for people with ADHD because we're classic overthinkers ). Exercise helps to drive this out!

Crises such as heartbreak can feel particularly brutal for people with ADHD, causing stress hormones to rise to unbearable levels and massively increasing inattention. Discuss such situations openly with your healthcare professional to find a therapeutic solution.

7. Future orientation = planning and realizing your own goals

Tip: Make sure your goals are precise, concrete, verifiable, realistic, and time-bound. In other words, Specific – Measurable – Realistic – Time-bound (SMaRT). This increases the likelihood of achieving them.

Learning resilience is a long-term process. As with sports, it's important to get enough rest regularly. Sustained use of your own resources, saying no, and setting boundaries also contribute to building inner strength.

Are resilient people immune to stress? 

No one is immune to stress. Even resilient people can perceive emerging crises as extremely painful and stressful. However, inner strength allows one to remain capable of action despite these stresses, albeit perhaps with limitations. The sea remains stormy, and resilient people even get seasick (including vomiting), but they still keep the helm in hand —or at least keep a reasonable eye on the ship (where are the holes?).