Understanding your ADHD child better: 12 important DOs and DON'Ts for you

Chaos, arguments, and frustration? Don't have to be! With these tips and strategies, you can support your ADHD child, set boundaries, and build a positive relationship.

Important: You don't have to do everything at once—and it won't work right away. This isn't a rigid list either. Perhaps you'll cross off some items—or add new ones. The main thing is not to get discouraged and keep trying.

1. Understanding & Acceptance

✅ DO: Accept your child's ADHD-related peculiarities – they think, feel, and act differently, but not "wrongly." Certainly not intentionally or maliciously. Create an environment where they feel safe and accepted.
❌ DON'T: Compare your child to other neurotypical children or their siblings ("Why can't you just be like...?"). This only leads to frustration and low self-esteem.

2. Clear rules & structure

✅ DO: Establish predictable daily routines, rituals, and rules – ideally with visual support (e.g., with checklists, symbol cards ). ADHD children benefit from external order and visual clarity to reduce their inner restlessness.
❌ DON'T: Constantly changing rules and/or inconsistent enforcement – ​​this is guaranteed to lead to insecurity, frustration, and rebellion. ADHD children, in particular, are masters at bending rules and inventing exceptions.

3. Communication & Instructions

✅ DO: Give clear, short, and simple instructions ("Brush teeth. Then put on pajamas. There are two songs in bed"). Wherever possible, make eye contact. Dreamy children (ADHD-I) in particular are often elsewhere with their thoughts. Meanwhile, the little wild ones (ADHD-H) may be elsewhere in the room.
❌ DON'T: Multi-step or indirect instructions ("Wouldn't it be great if you went to the bathroom and got ready for bed? That makes me happy.") ADHD children respond to urgent and perceived important messages/action triggers. Otherwise, nothing will happen.

4. Emotional support & praise

✅ DO: Praise should be immediate, specific, and authentic ("I think it's great that you tidied your room. Do you see that you don't have to search for anything anymore and you get less upset?"). Reinforce positive behavior.
❌ DON'T: Only comment on negative behavior or attach conditions to praise ("Well done, but next time please be faster!", "You give me so much trouble every day, no one ever puts you to bed normally").

5. Impulse & emotion control

✅ DO: Support your child with emotion regulation strategies (deep breathing, learning to talk about anger and frustration, regular exercise). Reflecting after an outburst helps them better manage emotions. Even 4-5-year-olds can learn this – but only from you.
❌ DON'T: Punish tantrums without accompanying the child ("Calm down right now!", "I'm going to cut your bedtime story now"). Children with ADHD often have difficulty regulating emotions on their own. Adults sometimes do too. Question your approach first—and only then your child.

6. Movement & activity change

✅ DO: Ensure you get enough exercise and healthy sensory stimulation – sports, climbing, fidget toys or exercise breaks can help to release excess energy and promote conscious focus.
❌ DON'T: Force ADHD children to sit still for long periods while performing boring, repetitive tasks. This leads to frustration and difficulty concentrating. Learning often works much better with ADHD through movement and playful approaches.

7. Homework & Concentration

✅ DO: Plan short, manageable work phases with regular breaks and meaningful rewards. A quiet, low-stimulation environment helps. Noise-cancelling (ANC) headphones and/or music or nature sounds can also be beneficial.
❌ DON'T: "Just sit down and do your homework, everyone else can do it!" – Without structure or support, or creative educational methods, ADHD children quickly become understimulated and overtaxed in terms of patience. Do you yourself enjoy solving boring tasks without seeing their purpose? Exactly.

8. Social skills & friendships

✅ DO: Support social situations and use role-playing to practice non-violent conflict resolution. Children with ADHD benefit from clearly and bindingly formulated social rules that are developed together in a group. They want to understand why something should happen – or not (holistic, interconnected thinking).
❌ DON'T: Expect your child to intuitively understand adult social rules ("You must know that's rude!"). Children with ADHD often struggle with subtle social cues whose meaning isn't clear to them. Not to mention rituals that make little sense ("How are you?" - "Yes, it must be, thank you").

9. Media & sleep hygiene

✅ DO: Limit screen time and establish a consistent bedtime routine. Physical relaxation (e.g., a warm bath, reading aloud, massage, music) helps your child wind down.
❌ DON'T: Allow screen time right before bedtime – blue light-induced sleep problems exacerbate ADHD symptoms. Mobile games, etc., are unnecessarily stimulating. Red light, on the other hand, has been proven to calm you down.

10. Nutrition & Blood Sugar

✅ DO: Ensure a balanced diet with healthy meals (proteins, complex carbohydrates, vitamins, omega fatty acids). Children with ADHD are much more sensitive to blood sugar fluctuations.
❌ DON'T: Give high-sugar snacks and highly processed foods as the mainstay of your child's diet – these increase hyperactivity and/or concentration problems. Furthermore, in cases of ADHD, they have an even greater potential for addiction in the child's brain.

11. Dealing with failure & frustration

✅ DO: Teach your child to view failures as learning opportunities. More than that: Proven multi-billionaires publicly state that ONLY mistakes can help you achieve anything ( iterative improvement ). Viewing mistakes as opportunities isn't sugarcoating or denying them. That's why we have things like electricity and passenger airplanes today.
❌ DON'T: Overreact and/or punish for impulsive or boredom-based mistakes ("Why didn't you do that better?", "Just try a little harder"). ADHD children often struggle with self-doubt for precisely this reason. On the other hand, when they're passionate about a task/project, they can be hyperfocused and incredibly persistent/perfectionistic.

12. Self-care for parents, i.e. for YOU

✅ DO: Take care of your own energy and mental health . FIRST, not after caring for your child. Who do you attach the oxygen mask to first in an airplane when the pressure drops? The child? Wrong. This could result in everyone dying. Because without oxygen, you'll pass out BEFORE your child. Talking to other affected parents, consulting with a professional , or taking breaks are also helpful.
❌ DON'T: Sacrificing yourself and thinking you have to solve everything on your own and "make a good impression" – that only leads to frustration and/or burnout. Your child always needs you as a stable caregiver, never as a perfect one. You'll never be that anyway. And we want to challenge our children, as their role models, to do difficult—but not impossible—tasks.

Conclusion:

Children with ADHD need very clear, yet very loving guidance. A combination of understanding, structure, patience, and emotional support creates an environment in which they feel safe and secure. ADHD is not a disease that can be "cured away," but rather a different way of perceiving things that, with the right framework, can bring with it many strengths.